My Story from "Floss's & Harry's" Wedding

It has happened more than once.  What, one asks?  I sit down to write one thing for my blog and end up writing something else.  It’s now middle of the afternoon (16:11) and I finally got the first post of about 750 words posted.  Gee whizzz!  What took me so long? 

First, check the e-mails.  Then I got side-tracked with following up something on Facebook; followed by a delightful short chat (also) on FB .  I suddenly got hungry and developed a pounding headache.  So I took a short break to take some aspirin and let the head-ache fad away.  Four layers of clothing later, so that I’m not too cold to write, and having turned on the heating, I have set my mind to the task.

Back-side firmly planted in chair, and gritted determination to write “The Wedding Post.”

Front of Wedding Card

Friday, 2^nd November was blessed by bright blue, cloudless skies.  “The Maverick” and I smiled with thanksgiving to God, as we had prayed for clear and beautiful weather for the day.  I went to the shower and “The Maverick” and “Bellman” went to the shops to buy black shoe polish.   

After my shower, I spent about 90 minutes creating a card for “Floss & Harry.”  We wanted to give them a specially created card to commemorate the day.

I'd been out of the shower for a while when "The Maverick" and "Bellman" returned from the shopping trip.  "Bellman" received instruction in the fine art of shoe-shining, whilst Grandad got busy looking for his tuxedo.  

About noon-time, "Mr Biz" came with his other four boys.  Besides delivering "Bellman's" wedding clothes, "Mr. Biz" had charge of "Jame-oh", "Beau" and "Cookie."  The younger ones were already dressed, so they just needed to keep clean whilst waiting to leave for the church. 

So, by 12:30 pm, we were all dressed and ready to go to the church.  The wedding was scheduled to begin at 2:00 pm (14:00 hrs) and we were in the church by 1:15 pm (13.15).  In the fourth row from the front, I shared the pew with “Beau”, “Bellman” and “Cookie”. 

Earlier in the week, I’d shared with “Bellman” an experience of learning to meditate.  It was the early 1980’s and I was standing in the post office, waiting for my turn to buy stamps.  Mentally, I was slowly repeating John 16:27:  “For the Father Himself [tenderly] loves you, because you have loved Me and have believed that I came out from the Father.”  As I rolled these words around in my mind, changing the emphasis on each word as I did so, suddenly, my heart was filled with absolute assurance, belonging and love by Father God. 

Meditation on the days of “Floss’s” wedding, would have served me well.  Don’t ever think that satan sees a church and says, “Not allowed in there!”  He sneaks right in and waits to pounce on any vulnerable moments.  Had I been diligent to ground myself in God’s love early in the day, it is highly likely that I would have instantly responded differently when he attacked.

Daughter "Floss" with Father

The organist began playing Wagner’s Bridal Chorus.  Her hand snugly inside the crook of “Maverick’s” elbow, “Floss” floated down the aisle, looking like the princess she is; both father and daughter had misty eyes, filled with strong emotion.  After the vicar’s warm welcome we sang “Lord of the Dance”. 

Reverend Saunders led “Harry” and “Floss” through the exchanging of vows and rings.  I stood in the third row, viewing my beautiful step-daughters, Father-of-the-Bride, and Mother-of-the-Bride, strange emotions overwhelmed me.  Satan threw a bucket of negative thoughts my direction:  “You have no place here; you didn’t birth these daughters.”  “You don’t belong.” 

Suddenly hatred of my own barrenness, jealously of “Maverick’s” ex-wife, resentment came rushing at me like a wave from Hurricane Sandy.  Caught with my emotional and spiritual shield down, I got carried away. 

When orphans are adopted, they go through a time of wanting to deny "sonship" and access to parents by birth children and/or other previously adopted children.  They want to claim the new parents totally to themselves.  (I’m sure there is a counselling term for this, but I have no idea what it is.)  My emotions mirrored this feeling; I wanted to push “The Maverick’s” ex-wife out of the church and pull the three lovely young women into my arms, yelling, “These are MY daughters, not yours.”

These emotions numbed my mind, and I couldn’t seem to let go of them.  I needed to talk to my husband. 

Yet, a motherly awareness wrestled against the tide of Satan’s tactical lies.  As the bride and groom took their vows, and I watched “Lacy” and “Walley”, I saw tears spilling down their cheeks; love gushing as they watched their baby-sister married.  Quickly I picked up my bag, rummaged around and pulled out a packet of tissues.  I passed them forward and the girls damped away the potentially make-up damaging tears.  After a few minutes, they mimed back their thanks.

Reverend Saunders’s message to the congregation and the bridal couple began with a joke.  That broke the tension inside me and I listened as he talked of the importance the church—Christ’s body—supporting marriage and family. 

After more traditional wedding music, ie. Jerusalem and  Recessional-Wedding March, we left the wooden pews and found our way outside. 

Once outside, my heart still felt bruised.  Prayers lifted up to My Heavenly Father.  “God, these are simply emotions—hate, anger, frustration, jealously.  I don’t want anything to keep me from Your Presence.  How can I love this family if I hold onto these emotions?  Oh Jesus, these feelings are normal and common to every person; experiencing them isn’t wrong.  But I can’t keep them—because letting them linger and grow is wrong.  Help me.”

Camera clicking, trying to be right behind the photographer and in a good position for capturing candid photos, my brain and hands were at work.  Equally my spirit was listening for assurance, forgiveness, truth.

“God places the solitary in families and give the desolate a home in which to dwell;...” The promise of God (Psalm 68:6) flitted through my brain.  The power of those words was softened by the emotional fog I was groping my way through. 

I found comfort that thought my emotions were in a wretched state, I had hope and trust in God’s mercy.  Long ago I learned that God knows the secrets of my heart—my secret sins and my secret desires.  “⁸ Our iniquities, our secret heart and its sins [which we would so like to conceal even from ourselves], You have set in the [revealing] light of Your countenance.” Psalm 90-6. 

Back of Bride's dress

While sitting in the people carrier to go to the reception, I kept praying.  I so wanted to get “The Maverick” aside and talk to him.  But during the ride, I tried to engage with the boys, telling them how proud of them I was.  All of the small children and babies in “Our Clan” had remained quiet during the wedding ceremony.  The same could not be said of other “under-fives” who had accompanied their parents to the wedding. 

Finally, we arrived at the venue for the reception.  Finding my way to the ladies room first separated me from the wedding group.  It took some doing, but I finally found "The Maverick."  Away from the receptoin room, at a small table, I explained my feelings to my Darling Husband.  He said he felt the same—like being on the outside looking in.  This was astonishing, as the Bride and her siblings are HIS children.  But by having his understanding and comfort, the truth of love broke the heaviness and I could join the rest of the party and enjoy the evening. 

I had only been standing in the room about 10 minutes, chatting with another guest, when “Lacy C.” found me.  She asked me if I was all right.  Very quickly I told her how I was feeling.

“Don’t be stupid.”  She chides me.  “You do belong.  You have a place in this family.  We all love you.  You’re a second mom to us.  I couldn’t see my life without you in it.”

Her words brought such healing, acceptance and love. 

As if God wanted to make sure I got the message. “Mr. Biz”, “Lacy’s” husband came up to me about 20 minutes later and also made sure I was okay. 

I know if I had not immediately cried out to God with my confession and my prayer for mercy, I would not have been positioned to receive the blessing of my step-daughters, their spouses and our grandchildren. 

That’s my story of “Floss’s & Harry’s” wedding day. 

Serving Jesus, Author of our faith,

“Lady Helene”

The Beauty of Remembering

            Beauty 1: the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit :  : http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/beauty

Remembrance : the state of bearing in mind; 2a : the ability to remember : memory b : the period over which one's memory extends 3: an act of recalling to mind 4: a memory of a person, thing, or event 5a : something that serves to keep in or bring to mind : http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/remembrance?show=0&t=1352644788

My Dad in his navy uniform

Pristine, clear, azure blue skies make a glorious view from my studio/home office window.  It has just gone 11:00 am on this Sunday, 11^th November, Remembrance Day/Veterans’ Day.  At 11:00 am United Christian Broadcasters http://www.ucbmedia.co.uk/home/ played “The Last Post” followed by two minutes of nature sounds as a period of silence.  I often wonder what other people think about in a 2-minute silence—as my mind wanders from one thing to the next.

   An “All Souls” service is a Christian remembrance of family and friends who have died.  But Remembrance Day/Veterans’ Day is a federal governmental day of honouring the men and women who served in the military to defend their counties. 

   In 1958 my parents got married.  My mother became the wife of an Air Force Service man.  The first eleven years of my life were spent near or on Air Force Base housing for families. 

   Dad was a staff sergeant, a parachute rigger, for the US Air Force.  For Christmas 1968 Dad used the industrial sewing machines at the base workshop to make sleeping bag covers for five brand new sleeping bags.  He made cases for tent poles for the new tent they’d ordered.  My dad was a clever man; a creative man who had not much confidence in himself.

Before Dad served with the Air Force, he served in the US Navy.  His brother also served in the Navy.  Dad was in the Navy three years.  All together, Dad had twenty-years of military service. 

"The Maverick" on patrol in Rhodesia

One of the things I desired in a husband was the he have some military back-ground.  One of the things I discovered early on about “The Maverick” was that he had served in Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) and South Africa armies.  “The Maverick’s” father was also a veteran, serving at El Alamein, Egypt.   

In the Bible, Paul wrote to the Philippians to think on things that are pure, noble, trustworthy, true.  The truth about war is that it is not pretty, nor fair, nor glorious.  

However, the people who served were often noble, willing to ignore the dirt, denigration and fear of living in trenches, swamps, jungles and deserts in order to prevent the furtherance of evil regimes.  Sometimes political decisions supersede the outcome of military victories.  This can leave Veterans feeling betrayed, frustrated and cynical.    

When we think about military service people, former and currently serving, we think of their noble acts.  We watch war films, such as Band of Brother, All Quiet on the Western Front, or M-A-SH, and discover the level of trust these men and women invested in their comrades and units.  We think of their sacrifice to leave home, family and friends, leaving behind jobs, education and vocations in order to live a different life.  Some came home with physical injuries.  Others came home with unseen wounds from trauma, un-expressed grief, and spiritual dilemmas. 

Bringing to mind the seasons of war our countries, states/counties, towns and families have gone through is beautiful, because we learn the meaning of what it is of have a love which is strong enough to fight for.  We take a few minutes to clearly think about what freedom means; the price it costs to earn it and maintain it.  As long as we have the ability to remember, to turn over the pages of our mind’s memories, we have the ability to learn of faith, courage, commitment, identity, and hope.  Hope for a better future for our progeny. 

My heart is filled with thanksgiving to God for my Dad, my uncle, my father-in-law and my husband for the time they gave to serve in the military. 

Whilst everything we remember is not beautiful, to remember is a beautiful action.  I pray your moments of recalling to mind those who have served family, country and hopefully God, are full of grace, mercy and joy-though it be bittersweet. 

Serving Jesus, Author of our faith,

"Lady Helene"

High-lites from the last eleven days...

            The sun is out today.  The building holds the damp and cold, so I want the heating on.  Outside in the sun, it is mild, a good day for walking in the park or, as "The Maverick" prefers, a bike ride.  It feels warmer outside than it does inside, because the sun still gives off some heat.

            I know, I did so well for a about a week, trying to blog on a daily basis.  So what happened?  Well, my oldest grandson, “Bellman” arrived on Sunday evening for a week-long visit.  He was on his mid-term break. 

            On Sunday evening, 29^th October, an All-Souls service was held at St. Mary’s to remember family members and friends who had passed away—whether the bereavement was recent or long standing.  Some people had buried people just days before.  Others of us have missed the presence of our loved ones for years.  I added names to the list to be read out—my father’s, my uncle (mother’s brother), John’s father’s and mother’s.  Scattered memories from the years flashed through my mind as I heard the names; knowing these people have shaped my life.  After going forward for a blessing, we were allowed to light a candle of remembrance. 

After the service, coffee and tea with biscuits/cookies were served.  I’d volunteered to help serve coffee and tea.  “Bellman” was especially helpful, helping with the washing-up afterward. 

            “Come on, “Bellman” we’re going to go pick up pumpkins.”  It was mid-morning on Monday and the first day ofour week together. 

When I’d announced to “The Maverick” that I’d ordered two pumpkins from the local green-grocer, he was perplexed.  “What for?”  his brow furrowed with confusion.

“Pumpkin bread, pumpkin soup, pumpkin biscuits (cookies), and not to mention pumpkin pie.”  I shot the answer back to him.  “You know I don’t celebrate Halloween.”

I pulled the back-pack on over my coat and “Bellman” and I took the five-minute walk to the shops.  The two pumpkins weighed about five pounds each.  One was packed into the back-pack.  The other one had its own carrier bag.  Next “Bellman” and I stopped at the local Co-op store for milk and bread.  Relief and thankfulness were at the forefront of mymind because the wirey, lean teenager that “Bellman” is, found the burden of groceries light.  I would have struggled under the weight. 

Once home, “Bellman” and I washed the pumpkins, cut them in half and put them in the oven.  I prefer to bake pumpkin and hard squashes first, then scoop the cooked, softened pulp out; to me it’s the simplest approach. 

I managed to get about 16 cups of pumpkin pulp—most of which was put into containers in the freezer.  I set “Bellman” to work making pumpkins biscuits/cookies.  http://allrecipes.com/recipe/iced-pumpkin-cookies/detail.aspx.  Whilst he soldiered on with only me for reference, I was busy scooping out the pulp of the second pumpkin.  The biscuits were lovely—although we put on too much icing. 

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Monday was “Bellman’s” and my first day to do some Bible study together.  “Bellman” is almost 15.  He’d not been introduced to methods of studying the Bible.  With a concordance, a notebook and a Bible each, we began reading in John 1, reading five verses each.  Let me tell you, “Bellman” asks good questions.  To review ideas I hadn’t meditated on recently was a great enrichment. 

At one point I went and got my Amplified Bible, to give him an idea of the difference in Bibles.  I made a point of telling him that having a Bible you like to read creates an appetite for reading the word.  I also said that a paraphrased Bible is good way to get familiar with the Bible and what is in it; i.e. The Message.  However, to do deeper study, it is better to have a more accurate translation; e.g. The Revised Standard Version, New English Standard, New King James. 

We were talking about the Holy Spirit, who He is and what He does.  This was when I read to him out of my Amplified.  “(25) I have told you these things while I am still with you.  (26) But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby) the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things.  And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you.” John 15.

At this “Bellman” began to laugh.  Now, “Bellman” is affect by Asperger's disorder, a developmental disorder associated with autism.  So, I’ve learned that his brain works differently than most people’s   Squashing the initial temptation to be irriated, I gently asked him; “Why are you laughing?”

“Because that’s like reading a Thesaurus.”  His eyes were dancing. 

Being very familiar with the Thesaurus Dictionary myself, I giggled with him.  “You’re right!  It is.”

To understand this next anecdote, I must mention Richard Branson.  He is the English businessman who started out selling cut-rate records by post in 1970.  Now he is a multi-millionaire with successful businesses in sectors ranging from mobile telephony, travel, financial services, leisure, music, holidays and health & wellness.  http://www.virgin.com/  The company is called Virgin and the logo is all red and white. 

The vicar’s wife had organised a social evening for anyone from the currently running Alpha Course; this was on Monday night.  “The Maverick” was at work, so “Bellman” and I walked over to the vicarage on our own.  On the way we were talking. 

“Everything happens by age in this country.”  “Bellman” stated.  “When you’re fourteen, you can legally stay at home by yourself for a few hours.  At fifteen, you’re allowed to stay home at night by yourself. “ 

We laughed at a scampering squirrell as we made our way along.  “Bellman” continued.  “When you’re sixteen, you can legally have sex.  When you’re seventeen, you can get your beginners’ driving license.  When you’re eighteen, you’re allowed to drink.  When you’re 21, you can vote.” 

Hopeing to be a good influence on him, I said: “I know you’re almost 15.  And as a Christian, I hope that you’ll stay a virgin until you’re married, and stay faithful to your wife after your marriage.  And I hope your wife will also be a virgin when you get married, and stay faithful.”

“Bellman” giggled each time I said “virgin”.  I wondered if I’d embarrassed him, by using the word.  As with any teenager, I didn’t know how much his parents talked to him about this; nor how comfortable he was discussing it with his Nana.  Experience told me to find out what was going on in his mind.

“’Bellman’, why did you laugh everytime I said ‘virgin’?”  trying to sound curious and not judgemental.

“Oh, because everytime you said it, Richard Branson and Virgin trains come to my mind.”

“That is funny!  That little red lable popping up in the mind.”

The subject changed and we made our way to the vicarage for an evening of snack food, conversation and drinks.  In the end there were only six of us—which made conversation easier to join in. 

On Tuesday evening, “Bellman” joined the bell-ringers at St. Mary’s for the evening.  He really enjoys the activity and the company.

Another blessing of  having “Bellman” with us, was that he readily did the washing up whilst I got on with other things. 

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Whilst I was at the Parish Office on Wednesday, “Bellman” and “The Maverick” went for a bike ride.  “The Maverick” really challenged “Bellman”—as the bike was borrowed and a bit big for “Bellman”. 

Thursday morning, after our Bible study, “Bellman” and I re-arranged the furniture in the lounge.  It’s the time of year I want to create space to put up the Christmas tree.  Plus, I’d organised a dinner party for Tuesday evening.  

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By Thursday afternoon, a bit of chaos had started.  “The Maverick’s” youngest daugther, "Floss", was getting married on Friday.  Whilst “The Maverick’s” daughters were in town getting manicures and running errands, “Mr. Biz” brought up “Bellman’s” syblings.  It was a chatty time.  As it turned out, since my prayer partner was here, she got to meet them. 

The wedding was on Friday, so I took the day off from the Parish Office—making up the time on Saturday.  I’ll write about the wedding in a seperate post. 

“Bellman” went home on Saturday, with his family.  They’d stayed over-night at a local hotel. 

Sunday I was tempted to stay home, but decided that Church was a better option.  I was alone Sunday afternoon, as “The Maverick” was at work.  I spent the afternoon editing wedding photos. 

Sunday evening I had an appointment to keep.  By 8:30 pm our time, it was about 6:30 am in Australia.  I signed into Facebook, to find that “our Australian” daugther, “Princess Kaz” was already up—and had been awake since about 4:00 am her time.  I guess getting married can make you sleepless! 

“Princess Kaz” and “The Maverick” had scheduled a skype session for 9.00 pm UK time on Sunday night.  Which meant we’d be chatting on skype at 8:00 am on Monday, 5^th November in Australia.  Late Autumn connecting with early Spring—one continent in the north in touch with one continent in the south.  Amazing. 

Yes, the first weekend of November was a wedding weekend for two couples dear to us!  To be in England for “Floss’s & Harry’s” was natural; as “The Maverick” needed to be on hand to walk his baby-daughter down the aisle. 

We’d been invited to Australia for “Princess Kaz’s” wedding to “BayBikeBoy” on 5^th November.  Practically speaking, attending a wedding in England of 2^nd November, then trying to get to Australia by 5^th November wasn’t feasible.  However, thanks to technology, Skype allowed us to speak to “Princess Kaz” on the day.  Because of a webcam, I had a chance to see the Bride with her make-up on—but still in her robe.  I didn’t feel left out, even though “The Maverick” and I couldn’t be at the ceremony.

With Facebook, we’ve seen a few photos of both weddings.  

October 22^nd is “The Maverick’s” birthday.  Three weeks later, 19^th November, is mine.  I found the date closest to the middle and scheduled a dinner party for 6^th November. 

The thought of trying to do all the cooking on Tuesday seemed overwhelming, as I was cooking for nine people.  I made the decision to miss a Monday sewing class, as I was also still tired from being up late for “Floss’s” wedding.  That way I could have a lie-in, still cook in the afternoon on Monday and hopefully not be too tired on Tuesday to enjoy the party. 

As it turned out, the sewing instructor rang to say her son was ill and the sewing class was cancelled.  So, I ended up missing nothing. 

The dinner party was great fun...

     This has become a long post...but to be expected after eleven days. 

     Saturday is our Parish Away Day.  But I hope to squeeze in another blog about the wedding at some point. 

            In the mean-time, I’ve given you another taste of life for us.  

Serving Jesus, Author of our faith,

Lady Helene