My Story from "Floss's & Harry's" Wedding

It has happened more than once.  What, one asks?  I sit down to write one thing for my blog and end up writing something else.  It’s now middle of the afternoon (16:11) and I finally got the first post of about 750 words posted.  Gee whizzz!  What took me so long? 

First, check the e-mails.  Then I got side-tracked with following up something on Facebook; followed by a delightful short chat (also) on FB .  I suddenly got hungry and developed a pounding headache.  So I took a short break to take some aspirin and let the head-ache fad away.  Four layers of clothing later, so that I’m not too cold to write, and having turned on the heating, I have set my mind to the task.

Back-side firmly planted in chair, and gritted determination to write “The Wedding Post.”

Front of Wedding Card

Friday, 2^nd November was blessed by bright blue, cloudless skies.  “The Maverick” and I smiled with thanksgiving to God, as we had prayed for clear and beautiful weather for the day.  I went to the shower and “The Maverick” and “Bellman” went to the shops to buy black shoe polish.   

After my shower, I spent about 90 minutes creating a card for “Floss & Harry.”  We wanted to give them a specially created card to commemorate the day.

I'd been out of the shower for a while when "The Maverick" and "Bellman" returned from the shopping trip.  "Bellman" received instruction in the fine art of shoe-shining, whilst Grandad got busy looking for his tuxedo.  

About noon-time, "Mr Biz" came with his other four boys.  Besides delivering "Bellman's" wedding clothes, "Mr. Biz" had charge of "Jame-oh", "Beau" and "Cookie."  The younger ones were already dressed, so they just needed to keep clean whilst waiting to leave for the church. 

So, by 12:30 pm, we were all dressed and ready to go to the church.  The wedding was scheduled to begin at 2:00 pm (14:00 hrs) and we were in the church by 1:15 pm (13.15).  In the fourth row from the front, I shared the pew with “Beau”, “Bellman” and “Cookie”. 

Earlier in the week, I’d shared with “Bellman” an experience of learning to meditate.  It was the early 1980’s and I was standing in the post office, waiting for my turn to buy stamps.  Mentally, I was slowly repeating John 16:27:  “For the Father Himself [tenderly] loves you, because you have loved Me and have believed that I came out from the Father.”  As I rolled these words around in my mind, changing the emphasis on each word as I did so, suddenly, my heart was filled with absolute assurance, belonging and love by Father God. 

Meditation on the days of “Floss’s” wedding, would have served me well.  Don’t ever think that satan sees a church and says, “Not allowed in there!”  He sneaks right in and waits to pounce on any vulnerable moments.  Had I been diligent to ground myself in God’s love early in the day, it is highly likely that I would have instantly responded differently when he attacked.

Daughter "Floss" with Father

The organist began playing Wagner’s Bridal Chorus.  Her hand snugly inside the crook of “Maverick’s” elbow, “Floss” floated down the aisle, looking like the princess she is; both father and daughter had misty eyes, filled with strong emotion.  After the vicar’s warm welcome we sang “Lord of the Dance”. 

Reverend Saunders led “Harry” and “Floss” through the exchanging of vows and rings.  I stood in the third row, viewing my beautiful step-daughters, Father-of-the-Bride, and Mother-of-the-Bride, strange emotions overwhelmed me.  Satan threw a bucket of negative thoughts my direction:  “You have no place here; you didn’t birth these daughters.”  “You don’t belong.” 

Suddenly hatred of my own barrenness, jealously of “Maverick’s” ex-wife, resentment came rushing at me like a wave from Hurricane Sandy.  Caught with my emotional and spiritual shield down, I got carried away. 

When orphans are adopted, they go through a time of wanting to deny "sonship" and access to parents by birth children and/or other previously adopted children.  They want to claim the new parents totally to themselves.  (I’m sure there is a counselling term for this, but I have no idea what it is.)  My emotions mirrored this feeling; I wanted to push “The Maverick’s” ex-wife out of the church and pull the three lovely young women into my arms, yelling, “These are MY daughters, not yours.”

These emotions numbed my mind, and I couldn’t seem to let go of them.  I needed to talk to my husband. 

Yet, a motherly awareness wrestled against the tide of Satan’s tactical lies.  As the bride and groom took their vows, and I watched “Lacy” and “Walley”, I saw tears spilling down their cheeks; love gushing as they watched their baby-sister married.  Quickly I picked up my bag, rummaged around and pulled out a packet of tissues.  I passed them forward and the girls damped away the potentially make-up damaging tears.  After a few minutes, they mimed back their thanks.

Reverend Saunders’s message to the congregation and the bridal couple began with a joke.  That broke the tension inside me and I listened as he talked of the importance the church—Christ’s body—supporting marriage and family. 

After more traditional wedding music, ie. Jerusalem and  Recessional-Wedding March, we left the wooden pews and found our way outside. 

Once outside, my heart still felt bruised.  Prayers lifted up to My Heavenly Father.  “God, these are simply emotions—hate, anger, frustration, jealously.  I don’t want anything to keep me from Your Presence.  How can I love this family if I hold onto these emotions?  Oh Jesus, these feelings are normal and common to every person; experiencing them isn’t wrong.  But I can’t keep them—because letting them linger and grow is wrong.  Help me.”

Camera clicking, trying to be right behind the photographer and in a good position for capturing candid photos, my brain and hands were at work.  Equally my spirit was listening for assurance, forgiveness, truth.

“God places the solitary in families and give the desolate a home in which to dwell;...” The promise of God (Psalm 68:6) flitted through my brain.  The power of those words was softened by the emotional fog I was groping my way through. 

I found comfort that thought my emotions were in a wretched state, I had hope and trust in God’s mercy.  Long ago I learned that God knows the secrets of my heart—my secret sins and my secret desires.  “⁸ Our iniquities, our secret heart and its sins [which we would so like to conceal even from ourselves], You have set in the [revealing] light of Your countenance.” Psalm 90-6. 

Back of Bride's dress

While sitting in the people carrier to go to the reception, I kept praying.  I so wanted to get “The Maverick” aside and talk to him.  But during the ride, I tried to engage with the boys, telling them how proud of them I was.  All of the small children and babies in “Our Clan” had remained quiet during the wedding ceremony.  The same could not be said of other “under-fives” who had accompanied their parents to the wedding. 

Finally, we arrived at the venue for the reception.  Finding my way to the ladies room first separated me from the wedding group.  It took some doing, but I finally found "The Maverick."  Away from the receptoin room, at a small table, I explained my feelings to my Darling Husband.  He said he felt the same—like being on the outside looking in.  This was astonishing, as the Bride and her siblings are HIS children.  But by having his understanding and comfort, the truth of love broke the heaviness and I could join the rest of the party and enjoy the evening. 

I had only been standing in the room about 10 minutes, chatting with another guest, when “Lacy C.” found me.  She asked me if I was all right.  Very quickly I told her how I was feeling.

“Don’t be stupid.”  She chides me.  “You do belong.  You have a place in this family.  We all love you.  You’re a second mom to us.  I couldn’t see my life without you in it.”

Her words brought such healing, acceptance and love. 

As if God wanted to make sure I got the message. “Mr. Biz”, “Lacy’s” husband came up to me about 20 minutes later and also made sure I was okay. 

I know if I had not immediately cried out to God with my confession and my prayer for mercy, I would not have been positioned to receive the blessing of my step-daughters, their spouses and our grandchildren. 

That’s my story of “Floss’s & Harry’s” wedding day. 

Serving Jesus, Author of our faith,

“Lady Helene”