Singleness--Part Six -- Embracing Singleness

          Steam is rising off the freshly made coffee, and after several interruptions, I’ve settled down to write instalment six of the Singleness series I’ve been writing.  

        

      After my return from the DTS in England in 1988, I settled into life in Indianapolis, Indiana.  

In 1989 I lived on the sixth floor of Vantage Point Apartments, a 15 story high rise apartment complex.  The efficiency apartment I lived in overlooked Indiana State Road 37, Fall Creek Parkway and another group of apartments.  The double-towered complex sat on the corner of 45^th Street and Allisonville Road; only a 20-minute walk to work on Willowbrook Parkway.

          I had just moved into the building in October, pleased that I would be close enough to walk to work should the need arise.  It also meant I could go home for lunch.  

The building had once been a luxury community, boasting of a barber shop, a beauty shop, and a dry cleaner in the second tower.  By the time I moved in, it catered to more middle income residents who wanted to be close to work in central Indianapolis, but not living in a completely urban area.  

          The complex provided a “club house” on the third floor that residents could rent.  One Saturday morning in November (1989), I rented the “club house” for a celebratory brunch for my 31^st birthday.  Six of my friends sat with me at the oversized table, enjoying egg-and-sausage casserole, bagels, coffee, juice and birthday cake.  Of the seven of us, only one was in a long-term, committed relationship.  The other six of us were single—whether through never marrying or having experienced divorce.  Each of us in the room knew the desire to share meaningful moments with a “Significant Other”.  

          My 30^th birthday must have been low-key, as I do not remember how I celebrated turning 30.  Most probably it included time with my family and a few close friends. 

 Turning 31 years old seemed even harder.  What made it such a challenge?  There was no potential groom on my horizon.  It was complicated by the famous loud ticking of MY body clock taunting me that my chance of having a family (having babies) was as elusive as ever.  

          I’m not sure at what point I had a reckoning about being single.  However, there must have been a moment when I understood that I could either wallow in self-pity, complaining about the unfairness of life.  Or I could lean into the singleness; embrace the opportunities that singleness provided.  The choice was choosing depression or choosing joy.  Choosing to embrace, even celebrate, singleness would require commitment.  So, I began a process of moving to acceptance.  It took years.

          To be honest, I’m fidgeting in my chair, while writing about this time in my life.  My thirties were a time of growing up emotionally, reconciling truths about my family and finding healing.  

          A conscience effort on my part was to give thanks for my singleness.  Moments of frustration and loneliness would tempt me to complain.  At these same moments, a scripture verse song would come to mind:

“In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God;

“In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God;

"In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”  1 Thessalonians 5:18

Being single wasn’t totally bad.  Actually there were some advantages of which I made a list to be thankful for: 

• I am free to visit my parents whenever I want.
• Mom can come and visit me anytime she and I want her to visit; for a weekend or a week without anyone else being put out or aggravated. 
• I can go where I want, when I want, with whom I wanted.
• I have sole control of the television.
• I have enough clothes so that I need do laundry only once a month.
• I can eat what I want—which means I can cook if I want to, or not cook if I am not so inclined.
• I can sleep in the middle of my queen-sized bed.
• I am freer to explore ideas about returning to missions without the concerns of uprooting a family. 
• There is more time to spend more time with God. 
• There is no one to argue with about the type of music I listen to or entertainment I watch. 
• I can stay up all night reading if I want.
• I can go to bed at 7.00 pm and not worry about preparing dinner. 
• I won’t disturb anyone when I come in late from my second job.

          Determining with my will to give thanks changed my perspective.  Yes, I desired to be with someone special, to be someone’s spouse.  But I also knew that my quality of life—single or married—depended on me acknowledging and appreciating my blessings.  Gratitude leads to joy, contentment and peace.  Practicing gratitude led me into the Father’s Presence, walking with Him and learning to love Him more every day.

Serving Jesus, Author of our faith,

“Lady Helene”

P.S.  Vantage Point Apartments, 2855 East 45th Street, Indpls, were razed in 2011.  That location is now occupied with The Point on Fall Creek, an apartment facility.  

Something new--Thanksgiving...an attitude

            On Wednesday and Fridays I go to the Parish office to work on the weekly news sheet and update pages for the Parish website.  Today I wanted to try something different…like writing my blog here in the office.

            Distractions are a way of life—no matter what your plans for the day.  Trying to write at home has temptations for me.   Often the wish to accomplish writing a few pages is interrupted with a phone call, or the sudden “need” for a cuppa.  Worse yet…the television is a major temptation; “I’ll just see what the movies are today.”  And all too often the movie wins and I get no writing, no sewing, and no baking done. 

            When I began my job as a parish administrator, I asked the vicar if I could use the office as a place to work on personal writing projects.  He said that I was more than welcome.  Distractions would be limited, as I knew the phone would rarely ring; there are rarely any visitors and best of all, no television.  So, here I sit. 

            Now I have to get accustomed to this version of Word.  It is amazing how quickly one gets familiar with the formats and tools of one version of software, and to use a newer or older version almost seems like learning a new skill. 

            One thing I must not do here in the office is discover if I can watch programmes on I-Player via the Internet.  Should I investigate that possibility, I would leave open a door to being seduced into time-wasting.  It would be pointless to stay here—I might as well go home and watch TV there. 

            With us being four days into November, holidays are approaching and the contrast of being an American in Great Britain becomes clear.  My American friends are focused on Thanksgiving.  For many Americans thinking about Christmas before Thanksgiving is just unacceptable.  I have always been one of these, as I love Thanksgiving. 

            As I’ve lived here in Britain, I have been surprised by the number of friends around me who want to know if I’m going to celebrate Thanksgiving.  Of course, when I came here in 2003 to not celebrate the Thanksgiving Holiday felt awkward, unnatural—a trigger to homesickness for family and friends.  I did cook a turkey dinner on the Saturday and invited my Sister-in-law (Seamstress Supreme) and her husband (Mr. D.) over to share it with us.  It was an educational, as well as festive, evening for them. 

            In 2005 My Midnight Man and I went to Florida in November to be with my Mom and sister.  It was Midnight Man’s first—and so far—only time to be in the USA for Thanksgiving weekend. 

            Last year (2010) my friend, “Calla” offered to provide some food for a Thanksgiving meal, if I was willing to cook it.  It was the first time someone had approached me about Thanksgiving, instead of me inviting people over to celebrate. 

            This year, nothing has been planned so far.  “Calla” and her husband have moved out of the local vicinity.  I feel more British this year, so feel less need to make an event on that last Thursday in November. 

            After all, Thanksgiving is really about heart attitudes.  As a Christian, to give thanks and show appreciation to God the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit is a life-style.  Even on days when I don’t feel good, or I have truly messed up, I can still say, “Thank you Glorious Father, for the blood of my Saviour, that cleanses me from all my sins, heals all my brokenness, and restores me to fellowship with You.” 

            Thanksgiving, praising and worshipping are choices—decisions to be made on a daily basis.  For me, celebrating Thanksgiving is not about being American—its about being a Christian. 

Serving Jesus, Author of our faith,  “Lady Helene”