Our God is a Good Father

On 15^th September, I kept my appointment with a nephrologist.  As I mentioned in yesterday’s blog, the doctor confirmed that all the blood and urine tests came out clear and then confirmed to me that the tremors, fatigue, anxiety, muscle weakness and other symptoms have nothing to do with my kidney function. 

To be honest, I walked away from that session feeling overwhelmed, disappointed, sad, unheard by the doctors, and even apathetic.  Why were the doctors more wrapped up in concentrating on the kidney problem (which I feel pretty indifferent about!), when what bothers me both physically and emotionally is the fatigue issues?! 

Part of my frustration has been that the GP (family doctor) I see has not been willing to send me to an endocrinologist and explore the idea of a hormonal issue—specifically adrenal fatigue.  It had taken two years before my thyroid levels were low enough on a test for me to be treated—even though I knew that it was an issue. 

Unless another specialist makes a recommendation to my GP to send me to an endocrinologist, it just isn’t going to happen.  I thought about seeing a different GP, who happens to attend St. Mary’s church.  We exchanged a few e-mails and this doctor gave me a mental health inventory.  The result was that I was moderately depressed.  I made two decisions:  1) to spend some quality time writing in my journal; 2) to see a counsellor.

As I was writing in my journal, I realised that in some ways I had been drifting along, going to doctors’ appointments, thinking that getting better depended more on what they found than on what I knew I could be doing.  Surely, there were things that my body and the Holy Spirit were telling me, but I wasn’t listening.  By writing in my journal, I began to realise that there were two keys I could be putting to good use:  a set bedtime—22:00 hrs every night—no later than 22:30 hrs; and having regular, set meal times every day.  This would naturally help balance out my blood sugar levels, directly affecting my energy levels. 

Serendipitously, a psychological therapist has also attends St. Mary’s Church.  The therapist is currently on maternity leave and offered free therapy sessions to St. Mary’s members. 

My counselling sessions are going really well.  A tool I’ve been given is a small chart.  At the top is written Thoughts.  One the right hand side of the page is written Emotions.  At the bottom of the page is Physical/Somatic and on the left side of the page is Behaviours and lines are used to create a circle. All of these are inter-related and affect the other areas.

Through using this technique, I have been able to sift truth from warped beliefs, which had trapped me into fear, worry and false guilt, and therefore releasing me from the anxiety issues related to my Mom and “Annika”.  Operating on the idea that "you reap what you sow", I felt guilty that I wasn't the one taking care of Mom--because “Who would take care of me in my old age?”  Equally, I was concerned about "How am I honouring my mom, if I can't be there to take care of her?"                          I am concerned about them--of course. 

      When I went to Florida in the autumn of 2007, I went with the attitude of My Midnight Man and me moving to Florida, to help care for Mom.  None of those plans came to fruition—no job found, no car purchased, no flat rented for My Midnight Man and myself.  It seemed clear that we were not supposed to be in the USA.

Ephesians 6:2-3 "Honour (esteem and value as precious) your father and your mother--this is the first commandment with a promise--that all may be well with you and that you many live long on the earth." 

My parent’s greatest desire for me was for me to be married, happy and looked after.  Mom doesn't want me to sacrifice my marriage for the sake of taking care of her.  Mom has always taught me that being obedient to God and following His plan for my life was her greatest desire.  I realised that because I AM honouring her, things have gone very well with me here--I obtained my UK driving license, I’ve had several jobs, we paid off my school debts in less than a year, I have my British Citizenship, I have been received into the Anglican Church, I have medical care.  It was like the light coming on.  I can rest in faith that I am right where I need to be.          I realised that it isn't my job, (or even “Annika's” job) to take care of my Mom--but God's job.  Even if I were there, God would be using the same people he is now--the doctors, nurses, and rehab staff--to meet her many needs.  Just as it is God's job to provide for my Mom, it is God's job to take care of me when I am old. 

                        When “Annika” had to put Mom into hospital, she was full of anger and recriminations toward herself, because “Annika” felt she had not kept a close enough eye on Mom.  Mom's blood sugar had dropped to 35!!!  (This reading is the USA’s standard with 100-120 being a good level)  “Annika” was distressed, telling God that she couldn't handle it if Mom died--because it would have been her fault.  Suddenly, the Holy Spirit spoke to her--"Hey, nobody said she wouldn't come through this.  She will be fine.  Just relax.  I'm taking care of things."  A couple of hours later, she thought:  "We have a credit card with a large amount available.  I better see about getting ‘Helene’ over here."  So she went to one of the travel websites, with the idea of checking out prices and flights from England.  She typed in Heathrow in the "leaving from" box, and clicked the mouse.  The whole screen went black!  So, she hit the mouse again, and refreshed the screen.  Once again, she entered Heathrow into the "leaving from" box and hit enter.  This time only the title bar came up, and the rest of the screen was blank.  The Holy Spirit said, "I told you, everything is going to be fine.  You don't need to do this."                          When Annika told me this story, it was another thing that put my mind to rest.  I have not sensed an urgency to go there.  I am trying to call Annika on a regular basis--to check on her as well.  Right now is not the time to go to Florida--but the Lord will let me know when it is. 

                        “...And were beyond measure astonished, saying, He hath done all things well:” Mark 7:37.  This remark was made about Jesus.  I echo this feeling and thought as I look out the window at just this minute.  Why?  Because I see a rainbow—a token of God’s promises to us.  Equally, I was not surprised by the timing of Mom’s hospitalisation and the test on my part to truly trust God to care for Mom and “Annika.” 

                        In the last couple of weeks I’ve been feeling better, and stronger.  I still get a bit shaky at times, but the tremors don’t last as long.  Having a set routine is making a positive difference and this gives me hope that I can be even more active in coming days.  I wanted to share all of this, because God is so gloriously gracious and deserves to be not only acknowledged, but praised and applauded. 

Serving Jesus, Author of our faith,  “Lady Helene”

Autumn thoughts!

        What do you get when you mix a bit of laziness, a bit of pre-occupation, a bit of busyness, a bit of fatigue and days that follow each other too quickly?  It’s more like what one doesn’t get—a blog posting!  But with the kind and strong encouragement, mixed with some very gentle chastisement, from a good friend, I have here to fill the screen with what I HOPE will be your reading pleasure! 

        My last blog was written and posted on 6^th September—nearly seven weeks ago!  Wow! 

        My Midnight Man’s eyes are healed up now; there are barely any scares.  He is happy with being able to see more clearly, but thinks that perhaps a millimetre or more off his right eye would have been good. 

        Whilst August turned out to be the coolest weather for over 18 years, September experienced the most glorious Indian summer—and had record breaking temperatures through the end of the month into October.  The heat truly confused nature, as bushes put forth spring-time flowers on their limbs; the harvest for blackberries extended from August until October.  (We are still picking berries from a vine near us!)  The tomatoes responded enthusiastically to all the heat and we’ve had lots of little, sweet tomatoes.  I even had one little pepper on the pepper plants.  That was a very late result. 

Our beets on the left--big garden beets on right!

        I’ve stopped watering all the plants now.  I need to wrap the geranium though, as I don’t want it to die.  However, we had a nice collection of small, even tiny carrots and tiny beet root.  Seeing the end result did convince me that my decision to not plant vegetables next year was correct. 

        On 15^th September I returned to the nephrologist.  She said that all my tests came back clear.  My fatigue and other symptoms were not caused by the kidney problems.  I found this very frustrating.  However, I have been scheduled for a kidney biopsy on Monday 7^th November at the Royal Berkshire Hospital.  It will be done out-patient under local anaesthetic.  I will be observed for a couple of hours to make sure there are no complications.  The biopsy is needed to determine how the kidney is functioning and what treatment will be appropriate. 

Last of the Carrots!  Cute, aren't they!

        Apples have been more than plentiful this year.  The last week of August I was given two carrier bags with apples.  They were from friends who have apple trees in their gardens.  I didn’t want them to go off, so I peeled and cooked them and then bottled it.  It’s great to have homemade applesauce on hand.  The first week of October the harvest continued and I asked for some more apples from the vicarage garden.  I’d make crumble, and apple sauce, but no apple pies.  I had a craving for apple pie.  

        Reading other blogs, being around other home bakers, I’d heard about a pie crust recipe that used vinegar.  I’d never used this type of pastry before and I wanted to give it a go, so I found a recipe on the internet.  I must report that I did not follow the recipe exactly, so I’m not sure I actually liked the recipe.  I will give it another go before I make a final decision.  The pies were delicious, although I missed the crispy result of the recipe I use as standard.  The pies did look pretty though! 

        The Alpha Course has begun at St. Mary’s again, and My Midnight Man and I have had the privilege of serving two Monday nights.  I cooked for the first week—a nice big cottage pie—great comfort food!

        Many of you—probably most of you, know that Mom was placed into hospital at the beginning of October.  She is now receiving physiotherapy in the rehabilitation centre.  My sister reports incremental progress on a daily basis.  Mom’s memory has been affected because of the severe infection she had—but I’m not sure if it was a urinary tract infection or something more complicated.  Anyway, I have truly experienced the peace that passes understanding as God has heard your many prayers. 

        I hope to write more over the next couple of days. 

        May the Lord’s blessings overflow to you. 

Serving Jesus, Author of our faith,  “Lady Helene”

       

Wind, Facebook and Postal Workshop

        The left over energy from Hurricane Irene has managed to reach our island country.  Last night the velocity of the wind increased and the temperatures dropped.  This morning the wind comes in great rolling gusts like ocean waves; battering, bending and pounding the trees, then rescinding into rippling, breeze-like gentleness.  One minute I expect tree limbs to be breaking off and falling, the next only the leaves are aflutter.  Along with the wind is rain—great splattering drops pounding against the windows. 

        Today the Langley Community Coffee shop resumed operation at the local library.  As I sat on the couch studying the weather, I had my doubts as to whether anyone would show up for the morning coffee and chat.  To my amazement, when My Midnight Man and I arrived, we found a full house.  Most of the folk who attend are over sixty—some even in their 80’s.  A few are younger who have retired or are homemakers.  It’s a nice mix, and for some of the attendees, the coffee shop is the only social interaction they get during the week.  Miss Amy, who is over 90, says she would have come even if it had been snowing—because she and Robert didn’t get visitors at home.  At the end of the morning, I overheard that 32 people had come for coffee.  Just goes to show that the threat of being blown away was not sufficient to stop the faithful.

        My Midnight Man and I had a day of being flummoxed by Facebook.  Imagine how our minds worked when after My Midnight Man had spent a week with his oldest daughter—“Chantilly”—and seeing his middle daughter—“Walley”—as well, coming across the following Facebook posting by “Walley”:

“I’m eighteen weeks and craving pickles.” 

The next day, My Midnight Man calls me into his office to look at this posting by “Chantilly” on Facebook:

“I’m twelve weeks and craving Twix.” 

Surely, if the girls were “in a family way” again they would have told him whilst he was with them. 

        On Monday evening (5^th Sept.) “Chantilly” rang to ask about her dad, as she had just seen the blog about Midnight Man's Eye surgery.  I answered the phone, and she asked me how I was.

 “I’m okay.  The question is, How Are You?” 

She immediately laughed and said, “It’s a game!  It’s for ladies to post and not tell the men what it means.  You see what kind of remarks you get.”

“So you’re not pregnant!”  I confirmed.

“No, we’re not pregnant.”  She laughed. 

I laughed with her, delighted by the girls’ mischievousness and playful silliness.  Thankfully, My Midnight Man laughed at the “con”, but also laughed with a bit of relief.  It was good to know that the beloved daughters would not post such news on Facebook without telling us first. 

Once this post is published, I shall be working on Chapter Three of the book manuscript that I am wrestling with.  I belong to the Association of Christian Writers.  http://www.christianwriters.org.uk/

One of the resources of the association is the Postal and E-mail Workshops.  Up to five ACW members belong to a group and focus on a specific genre.  I belong to a group of four people who write fiction.  Writer Number One sends a manuscript to Writer Number Two.  Writer Number Two writes a critique, adds a piece of his/her own work and sends it to Writer Number Three.  Writer Number Three writes a critique for Writers Number One and Two, also adding a piece of his/her work and sends it on to the next writer.  The final group member sends all the manuscripts back to Writer Number One after writing critiques and submitting his/her work.  Writer Number One writes a critique for the others, takes out the first piece, puts in the next piece and sends it to W-N-Two.  The great thing about this group is that it keeps me motivated—the need to have a new piece (chapter or two) to send on is a nagging little encouragement to keep at it.  We pray for each other as well. 

I’ve heard the song “He Who Began A Good Work” sung by Steve Green twice today on www.allworship.com.  My heart was greatly encouraged, because it gave me the confidence to know that I can get this book re-written and take the next step.  The song is based on Philippians 1:6  “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” 

I hope you will all take heart and cooperate with the good work that God has called you to—never giving up on your dreams.

Serving Jesus, Author of our faith,  “Lady Helene”

       

August High-lights

        Autumn is evident in the air today, chilly, breezy, yet sunny.  We might have a few showers this afternoon—as the United Kingdom often gets remnants of the storms that blow across from American, thanks to the jet stream.  Autumn is my favourite time of the year, because of the colours, the harvest and the sun that warms, yet doesn’t burn the skin.  Deep, satisfying sigh. 

        Since my last blog, there has been turning of colours.  For instance, My Midnight Man’s eyes are healing well—the bruises are now turning that greenish colour that happens as the days pass.  Four times a day, I clean his eyes with sterile cotton wool pads and cooled boiled water.  After the cleaning, I administer liquid antibiotics into each eye.  On the table two boxes sit—one marked “R” and one marked “L”.  I have everything organised so that I can open the correct bottle for the correct eye.  So “R” sits on the left and “L” sits on the right.  That is backward to me, but in the right order for Midnight Man. 

        One thing that My Midnight Man struggles with is fighting the impulse to rub his eyes.  It is inevitable that a person becomes aware of the inadvertent actions done through out the day when suddenly one is not allowed to do it.  MMM often stops his hands mid-lift as he remembers not to touch his eyes.  In a few weeks, touching them will be okay—but due vigilance is required for now.  My Midnight Man sees the doctor again on Friday, 9^th September for a check-up and to remove stitches.  Overall, My Midnight Man is handling the situation well.

        Stepping out onto the balcony yesterday I saw that the tomatoes are increasing in size, and another one seems to be a brownish orange—on its way to ripeness.  One or two days of warmth do make a difference.

        The geranium has bloomed now.  How brilliant and deep the red is.  Once a frost is in the forecast, I will have to cover the plant for the winter.  I’ll set the box onto layered newspaper for insulation and use a black bin liner (garbage bag) to cover it.  I have been surprised by how big the plant has become.  I think it has doubled in size! 

        The month of August got by me without much of anything productive happening—no writing, no sewing, no reading.  However, on 3^rd August, step-daughter “Chantilly” and her family came for overnight.  We have a three bedroom flat.  Trying to find space for five children, four adults and two dogs was quite a challenge.  Thankfully we have a single fold-up bed, a double size futon mattress we can put on the floor, and a single bed in our guest room.  I did enjoy having them here and made a large casserole for dinner. 

        I layered pre-cooked potatoes, cheese, celery, onions, courgettes (zucchini), and ham in a large baking tray, and then baked it for 45 minutes.  They licked the pan clean!! 

"Mr. Biz" with Alfie

        I really enjoyed having the dogs around, as it gave me an idea as to what it will be like to have my own dogs here one day.  I am hoping that by our tenth wedding anniversary our finances will allow me to get them.  Alfie is a male King Charles spaniel.  Shiloh is a miniature female dachshund.  I had just crawled back into bed after having my medicine when I looked over My Midnight Man to check the time.  Two furry heads were looking at me with hopeful eyes—morning walkies were needed by two eager dogs.  I immediately thought, “This is what I have to look forward to!”  “Mr. Biz” was awakened and he took Alfie and Shiloh out.  They didn’t take long as it was rainy!

        The purpose of the visit was to keep an appointment for our grandson, “Jay” (aged 10) to Wexham hospital.  As a baby, “Jay” was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy.  “Chantilly” and the family have been working and praying for a miracle and healing.  We do see God at work through this process.  But “Jay” had outgrown his leg splints that he wears at night to help stretch his muscles.  His appointment was to be fitted for new splints.  After the appointment, they came back for a cuppa and then headed home. 

        On 10th August I went to see the nephrologist (kidney doctor) due to having protein and blood in my urine.  As some of you may know, I have been struggling with fatigue since at least 2008.  Seeing this doctor is the most recent step in trying to find an answer to the problem.  The doctor did a thorough exam and sent me for blood tests, as well as taking a urine sample from me.  I will be seeing her again on 15^th September.  I hope the results of the test reveal some sort of answer.  I would certainly appreciate your prayers. 

        My Midnight Man went to Dorset from 22^nd August to 29^th August to visit with “Chantilly” and her family.  Walks down to the beach, a wonder into the town centre, picking blackberries with the grandchildren all contributed to his being refreshed.  I had not been able to arrange for time off work, so had a week to myself.  Also, I’d been having some “down days”, so I wasn’t sure my energy levels would be sufficient to be away for a week. 

        So now you know the high-lights of August for us.  I’ll keep you posted on the progress of things in September.

Blessings to you all.

Serving Jesus, Author of our faith,  “Lady Helene”